I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
