I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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