Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
