I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
