pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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