just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you didnt know i had herpes?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
