She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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