someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
