dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's always time for handjobs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
