if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
