There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
