Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
