Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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