Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
