I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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