woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
