my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
