Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
