sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
