I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
