at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
