I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
