me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize