I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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