I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
