My brain says no but my pants say off.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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