did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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