so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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