We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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