all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
