you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The best revenge is premature balding
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
