____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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