Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
