So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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