I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize