do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
