I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Someone came in the potted fern
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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