I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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