Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
