Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
