so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
