How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
