We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
