Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
