You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i will never coherently bang her
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
