I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
