I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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