she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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