I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
be right there i have to get my cape
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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