I think my vagina is haunted
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
