yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
