when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
