its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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