I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
