Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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