you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
