i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
