I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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