Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
