i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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