The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
