Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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