i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
