You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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