just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
