dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
