i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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