I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
