That's when you crack a 10am beer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
